How hard is it to praise God when you’re in a place on despair and uncertainty! How hard is it to praise God when anxiety feels like its eating you alive! How hard is it when you cannot lift your eyes anywhere but where you are physically! It’s HARD!
God told me that ‘thankfulness opens doors that fear shuts’. Moreover, The Bible encourages us to praise Him through despair and that He is strong when we are weak. It’s all great stuff, but extremely hard, and seemingly impossible when you go through a hurricane season of life.
I have had a spell in hospital recently with a relapse of Bipolar. It has been around 10 years since my last hospital stay. Having a fresh insight into the depths of despair and of ‘Why me God?’, my whole self (body, soul and spirit) was shutting down and fast and although I knew to praise and to thank, shutting down was the only thing happened. That is until I saw a resident patient as I walked back to my room. She didn’t talk, move, get dressed, eat, use the bathroom unaided, she was in a catatonic state. Staff where by her side 24/7 encouraging her and talking to her to trying and get through, for her just to respond in some way. Seeing this, my stomach did an unexpected summersault and I became frustrated and passionate for her to get well. In my room, I cried out to God for her, asking Him to reach out to her and let her know that He was there. My stomach prompted me to continue to pray pray and more pray for her. I asked God that He would show me something in her that would let me know that He was on it. The next day, forgetting what I had prayed, walking past my room, her eyes caught mine and she SMILED!
Gosh my heart jumped for joy and I praised God I sang and thanked him profusely. I carried on asking God to breakthrough, I didn’t see evidence for a while that He was doing that until a few weeks later I saw her putting her hand to her mouth to eat! WOW. During the waiting time of seeing more Godly evidence of improvement, God showed me shadows of ungodly darkness that surrounded another resident. That feeling in my stomach returned, and so I again went into my room and did some business with God asking what it was I could see and what was He going to do about it. I regularly talked to God about other residents and talked with the residents and could feel myself returning although I hadn’t asked God to help me at this point. I thanked God, praised Him for his goodness in what I had seen so far in others.
Until, I sat on my bed and searched for Jesus in my mind, I looked at Him and asked in my heart ‘What about me?’ At this point I had fed on other people and what I saw God doing in them but not for me.
I spent 2 and a half months in hospital until I was well enough to come home full time. During that time, I had seen my family love me, care for me, be with me, take care of my work business and look after my husband. Moreover, my husband visited me every day, was encouraging and normal with me, he loved me and told me, it will be ok. This was the hand of God.
Being home and being re-introduced to life hasn’t been easy, I have been in despair and wondered about life its self and my place in it. However, I have praised God even in despair and I can vouch, it works. Fixing your eyes on Jesus and His goodness to His people, is like talking bitter cough medicine. It’s like medicine that you know will make you better but tastes foul, in that you don’t want to do it/take it, but heals you.
To who ever is reading this, God loves you and wants the best for you whether you feel it or not. He makes provisions, sometimes in the most unlikely places, and when you come through it, you will see you are God’s treasure and although He has lots of followers He always comes back for that 1, and that is You!